ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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