Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
