FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize