yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
