I'm so fucking centered right now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dick very happy bro
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
