Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
