making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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