I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
