just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize