I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
