it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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