broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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