Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
