Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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