yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
