Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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