Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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