Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
