I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
