doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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