I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
