I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
