In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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