I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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