Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
