She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
