If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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