i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize