Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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