I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I could fuck to npr.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
