I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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