getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
