my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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