Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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