Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
