White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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