sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
they're like a gay fantastic four
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
