I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
