Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
