I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
