He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
