You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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