Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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