how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
