Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
COCAINE IS GR8
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
