well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
