the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
