Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
