so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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