You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
