Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
