I showed him my bush... on skype.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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