I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
