Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
