It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
