They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
