If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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