Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
