I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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