I just saw a hot homeless man
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
