why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
