apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
