I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
