Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
