I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
