He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
