so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
