so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
