At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Say something about gay babies.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
