3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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