Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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