Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
