I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
tequila makes me forget i have legs
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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