Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
