If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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