I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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