For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
