bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
