What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
