woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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