I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
