Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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