Nicole vs. Life
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
