I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
