Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
