I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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