i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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