He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
