Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
