idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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