there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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