Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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