i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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