There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize