I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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