I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
