Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
