If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
