well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
jump out the window naked night went bad
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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