im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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