wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
