i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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