his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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