her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
